I had every intention of posting a purely quilty post this morning along with a review of a new (to me?) product called Flatter. I’ll still do that, but I find myself sitting here the last few days and especially this morning with my eyes constantly leaking and the inability to breathe. Mainly because of this old man…
I wish I could put into words all the love I feel for him and how much my heart is breaking. We are nearing our final days I fear. His appetite (which has never been good particularly…he’s a picky little turd and what King Bubba wants, King Bubba gets…we all know who is to blame for that) has been waning for the past week and this morning he wouldn’t even eat his go to thing that he never turns down…white bread.
We started underwater treadmill therapy on Friday to try and build some core strength and muscle mass in those back legs. I realize that at 14 I am buying time, but I have his kidney values well controlled…so it’s just those damn hips/legs without muscle mass to support him in the rear. The hardest thing is to be a veterinarian and NOT be able to fix your own baby. Harder still is knowing that the time is coming soon will you will have to make the ultimate decision, be strong and be there with him until the end because that is what you owe him for all the years of love and joy he has brought into your life. I have never felt so ill equipped for that role in my life. I am a hopeful person, I am a strong person…but knowing this is coming is killing me. When do you make the call that it’s time to give up hope? It’s ironic, I counsel clients all the time on this. Clients who I consider friends. I know the right things to say to encourage them when it’s time to let go and what to say to make sure they don’t feel guilt over their decision. Funny how it doesn’t hold water when it’s me telling it to myself 🙂
But for now, he’s looking sexy in his socks and doing a lot of sleeping. And getting lots of hugs and kisses and all the love I can give him. He’s my boy, my Bubba Jr. Any emotional strength you can send my way…much appreciated 🙂 And if you could find the switch to turn off my water works so I can get some work done for the coming week and meet some presentation and article deadlines that are looming…well, then even better 🙂 Thanks for listening and I promise more sewing/quilting updates coming soon. Until then, may your days be “golden” ❤